He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
