hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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