College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
