those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
