I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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