his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
