That's intense
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
