I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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