Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
