but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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