Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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