I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
