and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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