Just fell off a train. Bad.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
