she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
