If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
