awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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