god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
