I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
