and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
