He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize