my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
