maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I DEMAND FORESKIN
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
