Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
