I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
