this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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