She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
