I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
