found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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