i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The cops high fived after they tackled you
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
