Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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