Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
