Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
