im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
