i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
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