I accidentally had phone sex last night
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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