i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
