I'm lost and stupid without you.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
