Your face is a jimmy john
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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