so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.