i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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