Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
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Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner