I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.