Texts From Last Night

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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...

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  (205): I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand... http://tfl.nu/3a2z
  Replies (8) Good night (1808) Bad night (656)
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  (718): View more from New York

  im about as happy as oj after his trial

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  (718): im about as happy as oj after his trial http://tfl.nu/g9i1
  Replies (20) Good night (2587) Bad night (643)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.

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  (251): I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa. http://tfl.nu/la3v
  Replies (26) Good night (4463) Bad night (764)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.

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  (217): haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it. http://tfl.nu/2m8n
  Replies (6) Good night (4006) Bad night (755)
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  (760): View more from California

  I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.

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  (760): I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window. http://tfl.nu/drwy
  Replies (3) Good night (804) Bad night (2209)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.

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  (440): While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from. http://tfl.nu/t77t
  Replies (19) Good night (1130) Bad night (1934)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up

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  (215): I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up http://tfl.nu/xoz1
  Replies (9) Good night (2120) Bad night (611)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them

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  (706): I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them http://tfl.nu/sm11
  Replies (10) Good night (1580) Bad night (735)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.

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  (251): How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern. http://tfl.nu/mfwl
  Replies (17) Good night (2301) Bad night (868)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.

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  (218): You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk. http://tfl.nu/cpk7
  Replies (9) Good night (834) Bad night (483)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.

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  (860): He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/3zeb
  Replies (3) Good night (1275) Bad night (410)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.

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  (+61): You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you. http://tfl.nu/171s
  Replies (6) Good night (1237) Bad night (317)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.

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  (412): i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms. http://tfl.nu/uje7
  Replies (6) Good night (622) Bad night (298)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.

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  (503): Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it. http://tfl.nu/8pyf
  Replies (0) Good night (432) Bad night (288)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it

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  (+44): The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it http://tfl.nu/jw2n
  Replies (1) Good night (478) Bad night (220)

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