You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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