john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
