One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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