Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
