you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
