Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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