I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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