omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
