I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Randomize
