Screwed.edu
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
