So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
