So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Sorry my hands just texted you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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