If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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