i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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