mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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