This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
