barbara walters just said penis...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
