It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize