Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
