i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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