I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
