I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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