He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
