I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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