he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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