Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
