thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
