so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
