it was like his penis was on wheels.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
