I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
