i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
