"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
two words: eviction party
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
that may or may not have been my penis.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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