Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
