I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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