thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
